#okay i'm going to bed bc i have to go to work early tomorrow but i needed to release that thought bc it's

[tvrningout-archived]

now that i've taken the time to read b.eowulf and get back into the flow of reading and having fun analyzing, may i just say my first impression of g.rendel is: he's the g.rinch but Worse bc instead of stealing christmas, he kills a bunch of people and does so for like a decade asdfg but he was just upset these people were having fun and singing about everything god created for them while he's over here living in the swamp bc he's descended from c.ain and a monster bc of that relation on top of that. and i guess what i'm trying to say is i'm so happy to be reading stuff like this again bc i'm a big nerd who likes thinking about this stuff :' )))

[ellieslittlewh0re]

Stripped - modern!ellie x stripper!reader

wk- 8k-ish (it’s worth it)

additional tags: loser!ellie, reader is slightly described (pale, red/light brown hair, literally picture Lana in tropico bc that’s what I used for reference, oral reader! receiving, fingering reader! receiving, gross ass m*en, mutual pinning, implied homophobia (nothing crazy), childhood friends to lovers??, drug! mention, alcohol! mention,college! ellie mentioned, fluff n smut <3

"Ugh- He's is such a fucking creep."

I mouth frustrations under my breath, taking a seat at the vanity in the back room of the club. I pull crinkled wads of money out of the strap of my thong, smoothing the bills as I counted.

"Who is?" A familiar voice asked me with genuine concern. Camilla, also known as Coco by the customers, was a veteran dancer, a motherly type that all the girls that worked here went to for advice.

"Grabby Gary."

She winced at the mention of his name and shook  her head.

"I don't know why they keep letting him in here. He's a fuckin' perv."

I nod in agreement, taking a deep breath before looking in the mirror. My eyes were red, and my body ached from the early hours of the morning. I applied for this job not because I wanted to, but because I figured it would be a good way to make money fast. My mother, being an alcoholic and her deadbeat boyfriend was a violent drunk.

"You got any plans this weekend, baby?"

I felt a boost of energy at her mention, perking my head up with a smile on my face.

"My best friend is coming tomorrow. She left for college a few months ago and I haven't seen her since. We talk everyday, but it's jus' not the same."

I lower my head, pain in my voice as I remember how fucking empty my life felt when she left me behind. I never told my friend this, not wanting to make her feel bad.. I was happy for her. She was smart and passionate, I mean, who was I to get in the way of her education?

"Does she know you dance?"

I suck air behind my teeth, scrunching up my face.

"...no."

I didn't want her to worry about me and I definitely didn't need her shit for it, but it still worried me.

"You work tomorrow, right? Bring her by, and we can feed her free drinks. It will be fine, now get your ass home and get some sleep. You did good today." Coco reassured me, patting the back of my shoulder before going back out to the stage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stir in my bed, the afternoon sun flooding my room, making it unbelievably warm due to the Texas summer heat. I fumble with the sheets, kicking them off my sticky skin. I skim my hand along the bed searching for my phone, peeking at the screen through tired eyes.

12:32 p.m.

I mentally groan before squinting at the missed text's notifications, rubbing my eyes to focus my blurry vision.

Ellie<3: Hey- I'm leaving now I'll be there around 1 Delivered 9:56 a.m.

"Shit."

I throw my body forward, scrambling to the bathroom and turning on the shower.

I search my drawers, pulling out whatever is clean. I trip over my feet as I tug on a pair of denim shorts when the vibration of my phone alerted me.

Ellie<3: I'm pulling in now

My heart started to race, excited, but also incredibly nervous. I quickly finish dressing my self, half-running half-speed walking to the front door.

"Okay-" I take a shaky breath, composing myself before turning the door handle.

"Took you long enough." Ellie said sarcastically, flashing me a smile. I could have cried right then, not realizing how much I've missed seeing her face that I lunged at her, wrapping my arms around her in an embrace.

"Damn- you missed me that much?" Ellie laughed, patting my back hesitantly.

I rest my head in the crook of her neck, breathing in her woodsy scent. I felt immediate comfort wash over me, a sense of safety and nostalgia.

I quickly pull back, realizing I definitely held the hug longer than we both anticipated.

I clear my throat, adverting her eyes.

"Uh- how was the drive?"

I encourage her inside and shut the door behind her.

"S' Fine. Nothing note-worthy-" she pauses in the hallway, glancing down at the battered couch.

"He's still here?"

She points to the man sleeping on the couch, stained white tank that was pushed up to his chest, exposing a bloated stomach.

I ignore the obvious disapproval in her voice, grabbing her wrist as I pulled her through the house to my room.

"How's your classes? Do you like them?" I ask her as I shut the door, making sure to lock it.

Dale, my mom's boyfriend was a real prick. Ellie and him have had their fair share of issues. One ending with Ellie punching him in the jaw after he called her a slur.

"Uh- yeah, yeah. They're good. Except for this one class- the teacher is a dick, but other than that, it's good."

She slid her backpack off her shoulder, tossing it to the floor before taking a seat on my bed.

I sit next to her, now feeling suddenly a lot more anxious in the quietness of my room.

"How are things here?" She lowers her head to me, concern raising in her voice.

"Oh- uh.. you know." I fake a laugh, looking down to my hands.

Ellie remained silent for a second, probably catching on that things here where in fact, not great.

"What's up with those?" She grabbed my hand, turning it over and observing the obnoxious set of acrylic nails.

I let out a more genuine laugh, her bewilderment written all over her face as she traced the edges of the nails.

"It's fr' my job. It's kinda a big thing there."

Her eyes break from my hands and look to my face.

"Waitressing requires talons?" Her eyebrows go up, child-like confusion on her features like if you tell a kid anything, they'd believe you.

"No! Oh my god- I quit the restaurant after you left."

She paused and leaned back, waiting for an explanation. I bit my lip before taking a deep breath, pausing before opening my mouth.

"I work at a club.. like a night club kinda place."

I held my breath as I examined her face, her eyes darting between mine.

"Doing what?"

Ellie's eyes narrowed, her mouth tightening into a straight line.

"It's not a big deal. I actually have a shift tonight and was hoping you'd come. You can drink for free."

My voice strained, desperate to get her on board for the sake of me needing her to understand my position.

Ellie nostrils flared through rapid breaths, stone facing me before looking away.

"So you're a stripper?" Ellie sighed deeply as she rubbed between her eyebrows.

"... yeah." 

Ellie leans forward, elbows resting on her knees, looking around the room before taking a deep breath.

"A stripper? You're barely 19!"

Her voice grows louder out of anger, clearly not approving of my choices.

"I know, I know... but I need to move out. I can't stand living here, Ellie! After you left shit just got more fucked." 

I flail my hands before tucking them back into my lap. I needed her to understand. I needed her to realize how desperate I was and that I didn't take this job just for the experience.

Ellie remind silent for a minute, taking in my explanation.

"I'm sorry- it's just.. I hate the idea of you dancing around naked."

"It's not like that... I mean I'm not completely naked."

I laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood. Ellie cracked a smile, but it didn't seem sincere.

"Will you come tonight? It would help knowing you were there." I ask her, dipping my head down.

Ellie pauses before answering, mentally analyzing how it would play out.

"Yeah I'll go.. but only to beat guys up if they look at you for too long." She said smugly, nudging her shoulder into mine.

"That's literally what I got hired for."

I roll my eyes, trying to down play the heat rising in my cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I see you still drive that sad excuse for a car."

My eyes remained glued to the screen, taunting Ellie as we played an out-dated version of call of duty zombies on my PlayStation, killing time before I have to get ready.

"It's not sad! It's a Mustang." Her voice pitched, defending her prized possession.

"Yeah... a 2005 Mustang that almost killed you and drained your bank account." I roll my eyes, spamming buttons on the controller.

Amongst our bickering, we lose our concentration causing a horde of zombies to down us both.

The colors on the tv screen loses saturation and text on the screen read: game over you survived 12 rounds

"Aw man. This is totally your fault."

I open my mouth to argue Ellies claim when the door handle rattles, and aggressive banging followed.

"Why the hell is your door lock?! Who's in there with you?" A loud male voice creeped through the  hinges.

I stood up and walk towards the door, turning back to give Ellie a look of "please be cool" before slowly opening the door.

"The hell is all that noise fr?" Dale grumbled, looking rougher than usual. His eyes look behind me into my room, eyes going wide as he saw Ellie, who gave him a wave and a shit eating smile which definitely did not help the situation.

"What the fuck is she doin' here?"

I take a deep breath, putting myself in front of him to crate a barrier in case shit goes south.

"She's jus' staying for the weekend, okay? That's it."

His eyes bulged out of his head, veins becoming more prominent against his now red face.

"Bull fuckin' shit she is! This is MY house."

Dale yells, pouting a finger in no particular direction.

"The only thing you own is a spot on the sex offender registry." Ellie rebuttals. I'd admit it's a good burn, but holy fuck, this was the opposite of being chill.

"The fuck did she jus' say t' me?!"

Dale pushes himself past the door, shoving me out of the way as he v-lined for Ellie.

I grab Dale by the arm, using my body weight to hold him from getting closer to Ellie, who didn't seem affected, if anything, she looked amused.

"Dale- Dale please calm down... she didn't mean it, okay? Just please stop." I spoke calmly to him like I've done so many times in the past when he got this way.

Dale silenced his yelling, looking to me as he breathed heavily, blood shot eyes and a slight twitch in his eyebrow.

I put on a brave face, having done this repeatedly over the last 3 years that he and my mom have been dating.

"She will be gone tomorrow, okay? I'm sorry I should've told you... I can talk to Chris at the club and see what he has, okay?" I spoke sweetly to him even though it made me feel physically sick.

He didn't respond, eyes darting between me and Ellie, then back to be before he stomped out of the room.

"The hell did you say that for?" I huffed, rubbing my eye, and walked over to Ellie, plopping down next to her on the bed.

"Because I hate him." Ellie responded sternly, looking at me like I was dumb for asking such a question.

"No shit, but the least you can do is be in your best behavior, for my sake. I'm the one who has to live with him."

My words came out rushed, annoyed that she wasn't understanding how uncomfortable living in this house truly was.

The way my mom was black out drunk for days on end, how Dale would sneak around outside my room in an attempt to catch me undressing, not to mention the smashing bottles on the wall or the never ending psychological abuse Dale carried out.

"You're right. M' sorry. That was a dick move. I promise I'll be good."

Ellie held her hands up, one over her chest and the other in the air, signaling a sarcastic attempt to keep her promise.

I roll my eyes and bit my inner cheek to hide a smile. I missed her goofy self, the smug way she would tease to cheer me up.

"Okay, fine...you're forgiven'."

I flash a smile, looking at my phone to cheek the time.

"Shit- I gotta start gettin' ready. Do you have to get ready?" I stand, waking to my closest.

"Uh- I don't know, do I?" Ellie asked, sounding concerned that she had no idea how to dress for a strip club.

I look back at her, observing her outfit more closely. A checkered blue and white flannel with a simple white t-shirt underneath, dark washed denim jeans that hung tight to her legs paired with her signature high top converse that she couldn't live without. She looked good.. like really good. No matter what she wore, I always found myself admiring her, even when we were young. She was effortlessly cool to the point it was annoying to me.

"I-I think you're good. I mean, you're a customer. You can wear whatever, I guess."

I turn back around, shuffling through the designated spot in my closet that I lovingly refer to as "skin rash central". Sequins and feathers and other skimpy clothes that look like discarded scrapes from a Victoria secret factory.

"Ugh- don't call me that."

Ellie winces at the choice of words. Customer. She didn't want to be a customer at a strip club where her childhood best friend worked. It felt wrong like she was crossing an invisible line. Only ever dreaming about the possibility if that line were to break, disappear completely, and the term friends would be replaced with something else.

"Don't worry, you don't have to throw money at me... although I wouldn't be opposed to it-"

Ellie shifts uncomfortable in her seat, clearing her throat to hide the fact her cheeks began to burn hot from my comment.

"Im gonna' get ready... uh- make yourself comfortable." I said, motioning my arms in a way that was meant to be funny, but I realized how stupid I must have looked.

Ellie laughs anyway, nodding and shooing me out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay... lookin' good."

I turn around, observing myself in the spectacle mirror. A red lingerie set that I've worn a few times before, bows and ribbon that dangled across bare skin. Makeup is simple. Classic. Flawless skin with a wing liner, and big eyelashes that complimented the shape of my eyes. A few carefully placed fake beauty marks along my jaw and below my eye. I decided to keep my hair down, letting the length fall to the lower part of my back, loose, big curls that shaped my face and shoulders.

I take a few deep breaths, leaning my hands against the sink.

"You got this. It's just like very other night." I tell myself quietly in the mirror.

I throw on a jacket and sweatpants, not wanting to reveal myself to Ellie quite yet in case she loses her shit.

"Hey- sorry. I know I took forever. You ready?" I return to the room, glancing to my phone to check the time.

9:47 pm

When she didn't respond right away, I looked up to see why she wasn't responding. To my surprise she was already looking at me, more specifically my face.

"Ellie?" I snap my fingers at her, breaking her trance.

Ellie flinches, blinking her eyes a few times.

"Huh? Oh- yeah. I'm ready." Ellie clears her throat, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans.

Her behavior confused me, she was nervous when I came back into the room. I figured it was because she was not use to seeing me all glammed up, considering she knew me when I was a little girl, playing in the mud, catching bugs and reptiles in the creek behind the house. 

"Can we take your car? Dale is gon' kill me if I take his truck again." I asked her, focusing on putting an extra pair of shoes in my duffel bag.

"Yeah, that's cool... uh where is the club located?"

I rushed to my vanity, spraying ungodly amounts of sweet smelling perfume along my body and clothes. Panic was starting to kick in. Anxious that this was defiantly not like every other shift. My best friend was going to be there, to watch me dance half-naked for other people's pleasure.

"Further into the city. Don't worry I'll tell you directions. Traffic might be kinda bad though so we need to leave." I finish putting on deodorant, slugging my bad over my shoulder, dragging Ellie along by her hand out of the house and down the driveway to her car.

"Do you want to play music?" Ellie asked, holding the aux cord.

I happily obliged, shuffling through playlists I made specifically for her. I find one that felt just right, clicking it and waiting for her recognize the beat.

"Oh shit! So it's that kinda night, huh?"

Ellie cranked the volume up, tapping the steering wheel with her hand and started to sing along.

I watch her with a warmness building in my heart. Seeing how happy she was listening to a song we have both heard hundreds of times.

It felt like we were teenagers again, driving around in this same car, having no destination in mind as we blasted borderline obnoxious tunes. Ellie was always older, not just physically but mentally.

I realized my feelings for her when I was 15, and she was 17 going on 18. I could never tell her it would just put her in an awkward situation and possibly ruin our friendship, and I definitely didn't want that.

"Turn left at this light and the club will be on the right side. You can't miss it, it has a bright ass pink neon sign out front."

I bit my lip, feeling insecure about the location of this place, not realizing before how fucking sketchy this part of town was.

Ellie turns the car into a parking spot, killing the engine and took a deep breath.

"You forgot to mention it was in east side."

"...sorry. It's not that bad, I promise."

I look down to my phone, checking the time.

"Oh good! We're kinda early. You can get a drink before I go on." I say a little too excitedly, my thought process being she can get shit faced while I worked, in case I make an ass of myself.

I exit the car, tossing my bag over my shoulder and start heading towards the doors. I stopped, realizing Ellie wasn't right behind me, I turn around.

"What's wrong?" I ask her with a puzzled look.

Ellie's face lit up a pink hue from the sign, her eyes fixated on the building.

"Wha- nothing... nothing. I'm comin'." Ellie words faltered, her head hanging low as she made her way to where I was.

I push open the blurred glass door and examine the crowd. It was fairly busy, considering it wasn't even midnight yet, which is when people started to flood in.

"Hey doll- you're early." Coco greeted me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I greeted her with a smile, genuinely happy to see her face.

"Yeah, I thought traffic would be bad-" a awkward silence formed between the three of us, Ellie looking at me and then down to the floor.

Coco sensed Ellie's lack of experience in a strip club, looking at her and holding a well manicured hand out.

"You must be the best friend. I'm Camilla. It's good to finally meet you. She talks about you all the time."

Ellie shook her hand, focusing heavy on her face to avoid looking at what little clothing she was wearing.

"Oh does she?" She let out a nervous laugh, breaking the hand shake and wedging herself behind me. I was humored by how Ellie was acting. Nervous and in full gay panic, being surrounded by a bunch of girls that were half-clothed.

"I'll leave you to it. Have a good night-" Coco kisses my cheek and then points to Ellie, who straightened her stance immediately like she was meeting the president.

"And you, take care of her tonight. She's good at what she does, but she's a magnet for trouble." Coco turns and disappears into the club, leaving the two of us standing awkwardly by the entrance.

I shake my head, covering my face with my hands out of embarrassment.

"Magnet for trouble?" Ellie repeats her words, a smug tone hinted in her voice as she teased me.

"Don't- just... don't. Now, c'mon let's go get a drink." I grab her wrist, pulling her though the club towards the bar.

"2 shots of tequila please."

I leaned over the bar, kicking my feet like a kid in a candy shop.

Fez, the bartender gave me a stern look, rolling his eyes.

"You can't drink yet, doll. We've been over this." He shook his finger at me, trying to sound serious, but he was a gentle giant, sweet and very easily manipulated.

"C'monnnn please. It's a special occasion."

I blink wide eyed at him, pouting my bottom lip.

Fez shook his head, taking a deep breath and pretended to think hard about it.

"Fine... but I swear this is the last time. No more." He turned, slapping two shot glasses down on the bar and filled them to the brim, letting some spill over onto the counter.

I scootch the glasses closer, holding one up for Ellie, which she takes hesitantly. Her one eyebrow raise, and a smirk on her face as she brings the shot to her lips, throwing her head back as she downs the liquor. I copy her motions, swallowing the liquid, feeling it burn my throat as it made it way down.

"Awh- ohmygod... that's foul." I choke out, scrunching my face and pushing the shit glass away.

Ellie was unfazed by the taste, not flinching  in the slightest.

"You're such a baby." She giggles, shaking me by my shoulder.

"Sorry I'm not a frat boy like you." I snark back, feeling pretty pleased with my remark.

Ellie rolls her eyes playfully to make me feel like I won that conversation.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, letting the screen light up.

"Shit- uh I need to get ready for my set. You can stay here and keep drinking- or if you get hungry, I can ask the guys in the back to make you something?" I ramble, covering all my bases to make Ellie as comfortable as possible.

"I'm fine! Just go do your thing." Ellie let's out a laugh, shooing me away. I give her one last worried look before turning away and walking through the club, maneuvering around people and squeezing between chairs and tables.

I get rid of my jacket and sweatpants, switching out my vans for platform heels. Red to match my outfit, straps that accentuate the top of my foot and up my ankle. I button the straps, flexing my foot to make sure it wasn't pinching the thin skin.

I sat at the vanity, the bright bulbs around the mirror gave me a headache. My nerves were spiraling.

I planned my dances tonight with Ellie in mind as a way to welcome her, to still embarrass her even if the two of us were the only ones who knew. "White mustang" by Lana del Rey was my first song, a little inside joke for both of us, that leaked into "summer bummer" purely because that song made me want to dance, not think too hard. Just dance.

"Fuck. Okay, you got this. Jus' go out there and dance. You've done it dozens of times. No biggie."  I voice words of encouragement to myself, wiping  smudged lipstick from the corner of my mouth.

I coax myself with deep breaths, going through the motions of trying to calm the uneasy feeling in my stomach.

"Doll, you're on."

I look at my co-worker, meeting her eyes through the reflection of the mirror. One last deep breath and I walk through the door, leaving the safety of the break/ hair and makeup room.

I walked slowly, carefully as possible to the stairs of the stage, scared I'd break an ankle in my uneasy footsteps. I kept my head low, scanning the crowd to look for Ellie. Lights strobing shades of pink and red, a haze building from the cigars that were being smoked.

My heels clunked the wood stage floor as I take position on the pole, holding it with one hand as I casually swung around it, waiting for my song to start. Yelling and whistling from the handful of men that gathered closest to the stage. I smile at them, waving playfully while still peeking looks in hopes I'd find my friend.

The first cords of the song started to play. I switch to my professional personality, becoming more serious and seductive. I parade myself around the pole, letting my legs fall wide as I leaned against. Dollar bills started to float onto the stage, hooting and hollering as I caressed my body. I engage with the men, bending over in front of them to show them something worth their time.

From the outside, I looked like I was doing my job and doing it well, but internally I was panicking. I couldn't find the one person I wanted to see, but at the same time, if she was watching and I couldn't see her, it was a new nightmare. Curious to know what her face looked like as she saw her once, innocent, childhood best friend.

Ellie waited as patiently as she could, finding a dark corner of the club where less people were. She sipped on a whiskey she ordered, leaned up against a wall.

A sudden burst of cheers and hollering caused Ellie to jerk her head in the direction where it was coming from. A women was walking into the stage, playfully hanging off the pole. The lights made it hard to make out at first, but upon seeing the light brown, almost copper tinted hair, Ellie's eyes widened, almost choking on her drink.

This was a side to her best friend she has never seen before, skin that Ellie's eyes have never been graced by before, at least not to this extent.

Sure, when they were younger they'd change in front of one another, but Ellie always turned away, scared that her friend would notice the changing hues of her cheeks.

Arms stretched outward towards her like a painting depicting a religious experience, and to be honest it felt like one to Ellie. These men begged for the touch of her hand, the words on her lips, but Ellie was the only one who knows what it was like.

The way she smiles so brightly, laughs so fully like she wanted the whole world to hear. How clumsy she truly was even though she danced so gracefully on the stage.

I prance in my heels all over the stage, trying not to make it obvious was trying to avoid the shining lights in my face to look for Ellie. I squint towards the back of the bar. Her familiar frame came into focus, leaning against a wall like she worked here as a bodyguard.

I wave at her, excited to finally have found her. Ellie does a double take before pointing to herself . I nod, not caring that this wasn't part of the routine as I usher her closer to the stage.

Ellie carefully comes closer, stopping a couple of feet behind the handful of men that surrounded the stage. I felt a burst of energy seeing her, knowing that she was still here.

I lower myself to my hands and knees, crawling forward to the men that clasped bills in their fingers. I lay in front of them, arching my back against the scuffed floor, letting money drape over my face.

Ellie held her breath as she watched, never looking away, hell not even blinking, scared she'd miss even a second of the show.

I get back into my knees, hovering above the paying customers as they place the bills in the straps of my thong and bra, letting it snap back only to be repeated. I diverted my attention away from my patrons to meet Ellie, her eyes heavily glued to me. I raise a finger, pointing it at her and curling it, signaling that I wanted her to come closer.

To my surprise she takes a few more steps forward, shimming between the men who gave her dirty glares in return, but she didn't care. Out of everyone here tonight, Ellie was the one who had all of your attention.

Ellie positions herself front and center of the stage. I crawl closer, leaving only a few inches between our faces.

🎶 the day I saw your white mustang-🎶

Ellie's realization of the song made her crack a smile. Even under the colored lights, I could tell she was blushing, cheeks red making her freckles more prominent. I felt my own cheeks cramp, a wide grin on my lips that I definitely couldn't hide.

I watch Ellie's hand disappear into her back pocket, pulling out crisp bills, and slowly, her hand moves to my chest, using her other hand to open the top of my bra as she inserts it gently, smoothing her finger over my cleavage before she retracts her touch.

"You suck-" I mouth to her, rolling my eyes playfully. My body jittery and my heart thumped loudly against my chest. Without much thought, I leaned down from the stage, planting a kiss to her cheek, which left a very prominent lipstick stain to her pale complexion.

My ears perk up to the changing of the song, feeling much more upbeat after our interaction, I jump up and blow Ellie a kiss, which she pretends to grab before she took a few steps back.

I carry on through my set, shaking my ass more energetically to match the vibe of the music. Dollar bills of various worths littered the stage.

Ellie watched from further away, her eyes loom in my direction as she babied her drink, not wanting to risk forgetting this night.

Ellie didn't try to hide how she bit down on her lip, eyes studying the movements of my hips or how I extended my neck to the side, leaving the exposed skin on display for her imagining how she wanted to mark it.

"So... whaddya think?" I ask out of breath from rushing off of the stage as soon as the song ended.

Ellie opens her mouth and closes it again as her face contorted, trying to figure out what to say that was both respectful, and didn't come off pervy.

"I see why that lady said you attract trouble."

I give her a confused look, tilting my head to the side.

"Huh?"

Ellie purses her lips before making a tsk tsk sound with her mouth.

"You were- unreal... it kinda scares me how incredible you were up there." Ellie looks away, rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand that held her drink.

I feel my face heat up, a giddy sensation building inside me.

"I mean I wouldn't go that far, but thank you Els. It means a lot comin' from you." I said sweetly, interlocking my fingers behind me as I rocked back in forth on my toes. I felt like I was in school all over again... like when you have a crush on someone that's way out of your league, but they talk to you anyways.

"Hey doll, Gerald wants a private dance." Camellia interrupts us, sounding slightly apologetic.

"Ugh- fine." I groan, rolling my eyes.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere!" I yell back to ellie as I walked towards the champagne room.

Ellie didn't love the idea of you giving someone a lap dance. She wanted to hold you back, prevent you from walking away, but she didn't because after all, this was your job.... The idea of some old man grabbing you and fantasizing about how he would touch you made Ellie sick.

Ellie waited for your return as patiently as she could. Uneasiness was sinking in, causing her to sip from her glass at a faster pace. She felt a new sensation kicking in as she waited. Maybe it was a sense that she needed to protect you, keep you safe, but no, that wasn't it. It was jealousy. A possessive urge to keep you at arms length. It was a feeling that Ellie desperately tried detaching herself from for a number of years.

"Sorry! That took longer than it should've." I say to Ellie, stumbling back to her slightly out of breath.

"It's fine. When does your shift end?" Ellie's tone shifted. She sounded annoyed, frustrated even.

"Uh... soon." I answer weakly, uncertain why Ellie was acting different towards me.

Ellie didn't seem thrilled with my answer, looking down at her now empty glass and avoiding my face.

"If you want, I can see if I can leave early? It's slowin' down now. I don't think it should be a problem."

Ellie lifted her head, looking at me with wide eyes. Her face lit up at my suggestion, but quickly dwindled.

"You don't have to-"

"Hush. I want to. Plus, I want to spend as much time with as possible... jus' the two of us." I cut her off mid sentence. It was the truth. I didn't want to waste our only time together, not knowing when I'd see her again.

Ellie smiled, her eyes burn into mine causing me to want to lean into her, but she clears her throat when she realized how our gaze lingered.

"Let me go ask." I tell Ellie, resting a hand on her bicep before I turn to leave her again.

"Please! I'm literally beggin' you. Just this once- I won't ask again." I pleaded, holding my hands to my chest, interlocking my fingers in a prayer.

Warren. Aka boss man, looked me up and down, and took a deep breath before rubbing the meaty part between his eyebrows.

"Look- doll. You haven't been working here long enough to be making such requests."

"-and it won't happen again. I swear." I bat my eyelashes a few times in hopes he'd show me some mercy.

There was a few seconds of silence, Warren looked at me and then down to the papers strewn about his desk.

"Fine, but I expect good things from you from here on out. No more slacking."

"Thank you! I promise I will." I rushed over, planting a kiss on his cheek before running out of them room.

I strut over to Ellie, not giving her any time to react as I take her hand in mine and march us out of the building towards her car.

"I guess that's a yes?" Ellie asked, a smug tone hinted on her lips.

"Let's get the fuck out of here." I smile at her as I open the car door.

Ellie does the same, picking a song before she reverses out of the parking spot.

The neon glow of the club's sign was fading behind us as we drove away, windows rolled down to let the cooler breeze of the night swirl around us. This felt like everything I could ever need, ever want. I was happy with just this. The only person who ever looked out for me, who ever cared about me is by my side. I felt safe and loved by her, not really caring if she loved me the same way I loved her.

"I'm sorry I left you." Ellie breaks the silence, turning down the volume of the music so she wouldn't have to yell.

"What? No, don't be sorry. You grew up and so did I. There's nothin' to be sorry about." My voice grew weak as I spoke. It hurt to be reminded that she wasn't a permanent person in my life anymore.

Ellie didn't know what to say to that. She felt the hurt in your voice as you spoke and of how you shifted in your seat. Ellie glanced at you from time to time in her peripheral, taking note how you were still in your 'work' clothes. She quickly reframed herself from starring too hard from how little was being covered.

You turned away from Ellie in the car as you looked out the window, feeling a sense of dread that the night was coming to a close and Ellie would have to leave in the morning.

I felt the engine turn off, an ear piercing silence followed as we both made no effort to get out of the car.

"You ready?" Ellie asked, her voice quiet and gentle.

I nodded, opening the car door and walking up the driveway with Ellie close behind.

Reaching the door, I took out my keys, holding them up to the lock as I took a deep breath, praying that the house was quiet and everyone was asleep or simply just gone.

I creep open the door, listening for any movement and when it felt safe I motioned the coast was clear to Ellie. I shut the door behind us, taking off my heels to prevent the clunking sound on the tile floor.

"Thank-fucking-god." I sigh, falling back into bed, looking up at the plastered ceiling of my room.

"I can't wait to leave and never see this stupid ceiling again."

Ellie lowers herself onto the mattress beside me and looks up to where my eyes fixated before looking down at me.

"Me too." Ellie said absentmindedly, eyes lingering over the skin on your lower stomach and chest.

"Can you bring me with you? I can sleep in your closet or something... people have pets that they hide in there dorms, right?"

I laugh to make it sound like a joke, but it wasn't.

"Trust me. I wish I could." Ellie bit her lip. She couldn't hide how seeing you so close like this and so exposed made her feel. How your breasts pooled over your bra, how the skin between your legs looked so soft and malleable.

I sat up and looked to Ellie when I noticed how her demeanor had changed. Her eyes, usually a bright green where now much darker, more intimidating. My eyes drift to her lips, slightly swollen and glistened from her spit.

Fuck.

I divert my eyes from her face, feeling slightly uncomfortable by how much my body was reacting to her. My thighs squeezed together, my heart pounding and I couldn't stop thinking how much much I wanted to kiss her.

That's when I look at her arms.

Her fucking arms.

The sleeves of the flannel she wore were rolled up to below her elbows, exposing the tattoo on her forearm. The veins in her hand were prominent, trailing upward to her long fingers.

"Fuck-" My inner dialogue slipped, coming out as a whisper.

"I mean-" I try to cover my ass, praying my horny fucking brain to come up with anything, but it was too late.

Ellie leaned forward, putting her arms on either side of me, forcing me to lay back on the bed.

"Are you doing this on purpose?" She asked, tilting her head to the side as a smirk grew on her lips. Her voice sounded different. Low and sensual, unlike I've ever heard from her before.

My breath hitched just from her voice alone, the heat building in my core as she hovered over me.

"Wha- what do you mean?" I stutter, confused and at the same time feeling the effects of the atmosphere change in the room.

Ellie leaned closer, dipping her head so she was inches from my face.

"Still wearing this." Ellie raised her hand, bring her fingers to the strap of my bra and tugging on it.

"Maybe I am." I said barely above a whisper, grabbing her wrist and guided her hand to my stomach before moving it upwards to my chest, encouraging her to touch me.

Ellie's face changed from lust to genuine confusion, eyebrows furrowed and she studied my face.

"This isn't funny."

I shake my head weakly, squeezing her hand that was cupped around my breast.

"I'm not joking, Els. I want you to. Always have."

I bring her hand up and kiss the back of it, making deep eye contact as I leave wet, and sloppy kisses to her skin.

Ellie held her breath as she watched you underneath her, so beautiful and so eager for her touch. Ellie couldn't hold back anymore, all these years of repressing her feelings for you were coming to the surface.

I look up at Ellie, making slow circular motions with my hips as I imagined how Ellie's fingers would feel inside and that was her breaking point. Ellie pulled her hand away, forcing mine above my head as she leaned down and closed the empty space between us.

I moan into her mouth, feeling her lips on mine finally after all these years of only ever dreaming about this moment.

Ellie's lips move sloppily against mine, her tongue grazing over my teeth and exploring the spongy walls inside my mouth.

Ellie breaks away and looks at me, panting slightly from the passionate kiss.

"Are you sure?"

Her eyes were wide, and her brows turned upward. A puppy dog-like expression on Ellie's face caused me to smile, seeing how hard she was holding back just to make sure I was okay.

I simply nodded, reaching up and holding her face to bring her back down to reconnect our lips.

Her hands roamed by body, squeezing my breasts tenderly, but firmly. I did the same to the little amount of skin I could. Lacing my fingers around her forearm, sinking my nails into the flesh.

"Can you take this off? I wanna touch you." I pull away from her lips out of breath, tugging at the hem of her shirt.

Ellie wasted no time, sitting up on her knees and pulling the flannel off her arms, tossing it to the floor.

I gawk at the sight of her as she pulls her shirt over her head, discarding it to the side in one swift motion.

Ellie's stomach was flat and toned, defined ridges that outline her subtle abs that led downwards into a 'v' above the waistband of her jeans.

I bit my lip as I watched, taking in the sight of her.

I bring my hand up and grip the loop in her jeans, pulling her down to taste her again.

I let my fingers slip into her waistband, touching the uncharted territory. Ellie pulls away before I could feel her further, a hungry look in her eyes as her impatience grew.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was low and raspy like pop rocks, igniting your mouth with its rigid edges and leaving a sweet coating on your tongue.

"I wanna feel you." I whine, reaching up to palm her breasts over her sports bra. Ellie let out a muffled whine from the contact, shutting her eyes as she felt me drag a nail over her harden peak.

"You're drivin' me crazy. You know that?-" Ellie says, letting out a low chuckle before weighing out her options.

"Only if I can feel you." Ellie says, negotiating with me as her hand hovered down my stomach, giving me goosebumps as her fingers trickled down the skin.

I nod enthusiastically, gripping the sheets beside my head tighter as I felt her hand palm my pussy, rolling the heel of her hand against my clit.

"Fuu- you're this wet already? I bet I can slip right in.." Her hand continued to grind against the thin fabric.

My back arches under her, swirling my hips against her hand.

"Mm- El... please." I moan, looking up at her with a pained expression. 

"Please, what? Use your words, baby." Ellie said smugly, toying with me as she removed her hand, causing me to cry out from the lack of friction.

"T-touch me. I wan' you in-inside." I stutter over my words, my body wringing beneath her.

"Atta girl."

Ellie lowered herself once again, kissing me deeply, sucking my bottom lip before biting it between her teeth.

I feel Ellie's hand roam my body, tugging and gripping at various parts before she sipped her hand underneath my underwear. Her fingers skimmed along my folds, my slick coating her fingers before she circled around my clit.

My nails dig into the back of her shoulders, breaking the skin but not enough to make her bleed as she picked up the pace on my clit.

My lower stomach clenched and tensed, the heat pilling between my legs and I craved more.

"Ellie- empty.. I need you to fill-"

I was cut off by Ellie's fingers plunging into me over and over again as her fingers curled against my cervix with each thrust. Ellie paused, but only partially as she yanked down my underwear before fucking into me once more.

"FUuu mm-" I cry out, but it was muffled by Ellie's free hand covering my mouth, her fingers digging into my cheeks.

"Shh baby... you have to be quiet." Ellie growled into my ear before kissing the corner of my eye. Tears began to spill down my face from the force of her hand slamming against my cunt. 

I nod as she removed her hand from my mouth, letting it fall to my throat as she gently squeezed it.

I bit the back of my hand, sinking my teeth into the skin as I held back my moans.

"Good girl... such a good girl-" Ellie cooed, placing the occasional sweet and delicate kisses on my face, which didn't line up with what she was doing to my aching core.

Wet sloshes filled the room along with my muted whines from behind Ellie's lips.

I felt a bubbling sensation rising inside me, my mind becoming fuzzy and blank. I felt like I had no control over my body, my limbs becoming stiff  as my eyes roll to the back of my head.

"Els- I'm gonna-" I barely mutter, breaking away from her kiss as my head falls back, pressing deep into the mattress beneath me.

"Cum fr' me, baby girl." Ellie encouraged, her fingers slipping deeper into my cunt with each blow.

I squeeze her bicep, sinking my nails into the freckled skin. Occasional moans that I try hold back escape my lips, no thanks to Ellie. My jaw hung open as I lift my head to watch her fingers disappear then reappear inside me. I couldn't take it anymore, my head rolls back, my eyes shoot to the back of my brain as my stomach tenses, my hips rising with her fingers that continue to fuck into me as she rode out my climax.

I lay on the bed as my cunt continued to throb, taking deep and uneven breaths to try to calm the tingling sensation I felt all throughout my body.

The springs of the mattress creak as Ellie lays down next to me.

"You okay?" Ellie asked, sounding scared like a little kid that got caught stealing candy.

I roll my head over to look at her, her eyes wide and bright that how I always remembered them.

"Yes. I'm more than okay."

I turn my body to face hers, brining my fingers up to tuck a stand of hair behind her ear.

We lay there in silence for what feels like an eternity and I would I've been okay with that. Our hands danced over the skin of our faces, memorizing every curve and line.

"I don't want you to go." I said weakly, almost crying just thinking about her departure.

Ellie cupped my hand that rested on her cheek with her own, rubbing small circles with her thumb to the back of it.

"I know-"

I felt my eyes begin to well and I quickly try to blink them away, but it just made it worse. Tears fall down my cheek and my nose as I softly sobbed.

"Hey- shh.. shhh. It's okay." Ellie soothed me, pulling me into her. I bury my face into her chest as she held me. Her hand soothed over my head, patting it softly as she raked through my hair with her fingers.

I sniffle, pulling away to look at her again.

"I'll be okay. It's just- hard without you here."

Ellie's heart was breaking as she watched you crumble beside her. Your usual carefree and happy self was just a mask that you wore, a mask to make everything seem good and normal when that was the opposite of your life.

Ellie didn't want to leave you just as much as you didn't want her to leave. She couldn't stand the thought of not being able to take care of you, see you everyday and to have you within reach at all times.

Ellie took a shaky breath, unsure if what she was about to say was out of bounds.

"I've been looking at apartments off campus-"

My eyes lit up at Ellie words, confused at first, but equally as excited to know where this was going.

"And if... you want to come live with me in Houston-"

I pounce on top of Ellie, cutting her off before she could finish her sentence.

"Yes! Of fuckin' course I want to live with you!"

My voice became loud and high pitched from my excitement, planting kisses over her forehead and cheeks before I bring my lips to hers, kissing her harder and longer than I intended.

"Okay, okay.. easy there." Ellie laughed, pushing me away to catch her breath.

"I promise I'll get a job and I'll cook and clean-"

Ellie brought her finger to my lips, silencing my rambles.

"Don't worry about that shit, okay? I'm gonna take care of you." Her hand cupped my face, soothing her thumb over my temple.

I fall into her chest, holding her tight, and she did the same. Tears fell from my eyes, not out of sadness from her leaving, but from the happiness that every bad thing that I've ever gone through was going to be that of the past, and now I have something good to look forward to.

"Shit!" I throw my head up, leaving her chest.

Ellie tilted her head, eyebrows raised in confusion from my sudden movements.

"I didn't get to touch you."

Ellie laughed from the genuine disappointment in my voice, pulling me back down to kiss me.

"Don't worry. There will be plenty of time for that."

[jr-acrux101]

Replete-P.2

Summary: Mike and you finally go on a date.

Word count: 990

Tags: fluff, chubby! Reader !, age gap (slight)

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Mike stared at the phone, almost burning a hole through it. All of Friday and no text, and now it's Saturday the mid afternoon and still no text.

‘Was I not her type?’ Mike's mood fell a bit but he shook it off. ‘It's also the weekend, I'm sure she worked all week and is probably relaxing.’ 

He was not wrong, you were laying in bed doing a facemask and reading a book. Your phone buzzed.

‘Have you texted Mr. Sexy???’

You rolled your eyebrows at your friends words.

‘No not yet.’

‘:( why not!?’

‘Bc 1 im still thinking it over okay? Hes a big brother of one of the student im sure that like taboo or wtv

2 im nervous okay jeez.’

:| stop being a pussy y/n so what hes a BROTHER, yes the guardian but its not as bad at a parent or a married one at that.

DO IT Y/N!’

The paper was right in front of you, acting as a bookmark. You bit your bottom lip. ‘I mean she has a point, he's not a parent, and not married.’

It still weighed on your mind though. The numbers were burned into the back of your head now from how often you were staring at them.

You huffed a breath out, ‘FUCK IT!’

‘Mike?’

There was an immediate reply. ‘Ms.L/N?’

‘Yes, but y/n is fine :)’

Mike's heart fluttered the tiniest bit at the smiley face.

‘Cool :) y/n it is.’

You giggled and kicked your feet. 

‘So Mike, what do you like to do?’

‘Relax mostly, nothing beats just resting’

‘Are you sure you're not actually over 40?’

‘I am waiting for that age to come so I can just spend it at home and blame it on my age.’

Hours and hours passed by as you learned more about Mike and he learned more about you. A thought popped into your mind as he told you his favorite cartoon.

‘Do you have any plans for tomorrow?’

Mike stared at the text. ‘Holy fuck,’ was what he thought. 

He typed and erased over 3 different messages before landing on something that was fine.

‘No, not much I was gonna run some errands while Abby was with a babysitter since she want to buy like everything.

Why?’

‘Um well if you weren't too busy, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the diner to hang out for a bit.’

Seconds passed, they felt like hours to you though.

‘Yeah that sounds good. 1 sound good?’

‘Yeah perfect :).’

The conversation died down a bit as it was nearing 10 pm, and both of you were busy with cleaning up. You said your goodnights to each other and both slept soundly, dreaming of tomorrow.

The next day rolled around, bright and semi early. It was 10 a.m. you sent Mike a goodmorning, and started for the day. No one was home, so you made a quick breakfast, an omelet, toast, and some fruits for right now before eating lunch with Mike.  

You put a face mask on as you listened to your cassette. You lounged around til 12 to get ready.

You did a brushed out fox eye, with mascara and a little foundation. You had a cashmere crop top and a dark brown folded skirt. You put on a leather jacket and your mary janes. You left hair down, put a soft brown lip liner and red with gloss. You opted for minimal jewelry, just a gold chain.

It was 12: 40, your stomach growled a bit. On your way down you grabbed a snack pack and headed out. You ran back in for your purse and keys, then headed out.

You got there at 12:50, as you looked to your ight you saw Mike already sitting at a both. He smiled and gave an awkward wave, which you found a bit endearing.

You walked to him, he stood up and offered to take your jacket off. You accepted and the two of you sat. 

The silence was a bit awkward. 

Mike tried to break it. “So how long have you been an after-school teacher?”

“Hmm I just started but I did do the summer program for the last years.”

“Oh do you like?”

“Um yeah mostly. There's some bad days of course but that could be said about any job.”

“Yeah that makes sense.”

“What about you, how long have you been a stockman?”

“2 months.” 

“Oh cool. How long have you been working in general?”

“Since I was 16, so about 11 years.”

Silence hung in the air.

“Wait. You're 27?”

Mike nodded his head. “Yeah… why?”

He huffed and laughed, “What are you like 18?”

His smile dropped and eyes widened as you gave a slight nod. “Wait, are you serious?”

Again another nod. “I thought you said you worked the summer program?”

“Yeah, as a volunteer the first year and then from there as a group leader.”

“Wow. Okay.”

You bit your lip. “I'm sorry, I didn't think our age gap was that um wide. I thought you were max 23.”

“I thought you were at least 22.”

The two of you were silent again. 

You're french toast was served as was his sandwich. 

Plates and forks were clinking, as the two of you ate. “So…” Mike trailed off.

“So… if you still want this to continue… I would  as well…”

“Are you sure? It's a whole 9 year difference y/n.” Mike said softly.

You shyly nodded, “Yeah I mean we're both adults, albeit I am newer to it. We can take it slower than usual, so we both feel comfortable.”

Mike looked at you, at your full face as you smiled and how your eyes turned into half moons. You warmed as you noticed his stare. He admired how beautiful you look. 

“Yeah. I'd like that. But slow like really slow y/n.”

You giggled and he smiled at you. 

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Taglist: @kxllanxtdoor @mintyymao @slut4pascal

Hey yall just came out the hospital 🤪 finished up part in the er

[whoslaurapalmer]

there's like a space of time when you're recovering from like, months of depression and anxiety and Not Giving Yourself Enough Nutrients Or Water Which Makes That All Worse (which was my state of being from like. most of 2022-may of last year) where you like. you feel yourself in the space between All Of That and Not Being Like That. like. you feel your body readjusting but you aren't There yet. and you have to be like, kind to yourself like you're talking to a child or something, idk how to explain it. like, you have to make the effort to identify things and remember you have like, options. okay you're anxious, that means you should do something else. you can look at your phone if you're eating. you can talk to someone. you can work on your math book. you can do x or y or z. and sometimes if it's late at night you should just go to bed early. you aren't going to get anything done when you're anxious like this, bc you can't really do anything productive. you can just try again tomorrow. tomorrow is there!! and eventually you're in Not Being Like That (which is This Me!! from like, september of last year. yeah the last few years were a rollercoaster for a variety of reasons and i still am not sure about the passage of time.) and you don't have to do any of that. like. you're not in that fragile space anymore.

and you think when you're in a better place that you should consistently be able to be in that better place? that you don't have to like. talk to yourself in that certain way bc you shouldn't have to? and you almost forget how to do it bc you haven't had to do it. you think that you aren't capable of like. doing old habits bc you're anxious again bc, well this body is anxious and there's no way around it, you get better at dealing with it. but also being better at dealing with it means you DO still have to sometimes treat yourself like you're still in that space. and sometimes you need Those Strategies Again. no, lulu, you aren't going to do anything productive tonight if you're ticcing that much. you can just, like, go to bed early, and try again tomorrow. and like, i HATE not being able to do an activity that i want bc my brain won't chill. like, i want to sit in the living room and not go to bed early, i want to keep reading the maltese falcon and making my notes but i cannot keep it in my head right now. so i should go to bed.

and it's not like, a bad thing!!!!!!!! to sometimes still need that!!!!! no one is immune to recovery is not a straight line and sometimes you just gotta tuck yourself into bed and do it on time and get up on time and be a little more careful with yourself!!!!!

the POINT of this. is that i spent so long trying to word this for my own purposes that now it is in fact time to go to bed. almost. i have a two minute head start on my 10:45 girl get ready for bed alarm. i am going to Tuck Myself Into Bed and tomorrow. i will read the maltese falcon and make my notes. also bc i i played so much pokemon today that i have blasted through 3 gyms in pokemon sword in 5 days which is. really fast for me and i should do something different tomorrow and my notes are something i'd really like to work on (i'm not. writing a fic. but i'm not. not. writing. a fic. i know what my wips look like and i, too, am suffering.) but i am enjoying sword a great deal but the point is i have ace attorney to play too and other Things to do with my day and also the grinding for each gym does in fact get to me which is why i go long stretches without playing pokemon and why i take so long to do a game. sword is really fun though. outfits are cute as fuck. anyway. that was a tangent but. valid. (i had a six minute head start before i talked about pokemon. what can you do.)

[zhuhongs]

well I thought I was going to fall asleep early, but it seems like I have too many things keeping me up and since its too cold to sit at my desk and write at my journal this thought is going on the internet. Tl:dr: tomorrow is my birthday. send me 50 dollars. i am going to bed. gn

Yea, recently everything just feels so.... much. Like I'm always at a state of just slightly overwhelmed that makes it feel usless to do anything. Like I'm worried about money, and I know that I have credit so I can use it and I have things that I need and things I want that I shouldn't deny myself of just because things are a bit trying (like food I want, things I need to fix). But then I can't help but have that internalized poor mantra of "why are u buying this when u have bills to pay?" which is dumb bc I deserve to use what little money I have in making my life more enjoyable . But I'm also like. sage did U really need to upgrade your phone or buy an interview shirt or hair dye? Like, no not technically, but these are things I should do to just make myself feel better. I don't want to be using a broken phone, might as well upgrade when theres a promotion that sure makes it hard right now but is a smart idea in the long run. And yes while I didn't need the dye or the shirt - it will make me more confident in my interview so I can get a higher paying job and not be surrounded by Stuff all day causing me to want to constantly buy things bc I wont be in a store 8hrs a day 5 days a week. So like, yes you do need those things and its negligible when I consider the credit I have. And even if I have some debts, I know that no one can bail me out becausemy family is in the same situation. And I have time. I just started working. Its a rough month, and the fact that I have a trip planned makes it even harder. Because that means more money. But if I always deny myself the opportunity to go and do things bc I don't have the money then I'd never leave my house ever, and thats how I grew up and I was miserable and the money will be gone and the month will be tight anyways so just go anddon't think about it. But I do think about it, because it's hard, and I work so hard my entire life, for what? To pay rent?? other people my age get to say the money they make and build a life yet I was dealt a shitty hand and have had to spend my time working for something people are given. And it hurts bc I've wasted so much time and worked so much andhave 9 dollars to my name and so much debt. But I will find a way. ANd it will all be paid off. I don' know how but I've done this same thing before, cried about it, and went to work the next day and figured it out. And my mother has done this everyday for the past 30 years, and I feel so sorryforher because I know it's hard. And she deserves so much more and I want to give it to her, and I'm not even 23. And tomorrow is my birthday and I have to go work. Even if I called out I don't know what it would help. And I want to go out with my friends and have a good time but I need to paymy car and I need to pay my bills. And I work 9 to 5 and when I get home I have to walk my dog and make dinner. And it's cold. And by the time all of that is done I feel like I have no time to make art or practice chinese or do any of my hobbies and better myself. I''m so tired that all I do is sleep. And I feel myself falling into old habits. And I hate it, i hate it, I am trying so hard to clawmy way out of it. It's starting with a simple routine. Even if it hasn't gotten to the point where I sit and draw or read or write every day. At least I do the dishes when I finish eating, brush my teeth twice a day, foldmy clothes, make my bed, stay off my phone during my breaks, and pack a lunch. Even if that's something I should have achieved long ago, I didn't. So now I need to do that before I can learn how to do hwat I want sadly, because dreamings costs money and dreaming requires habits. AAAAAA. okay. I need to go to bed bc I need to be up at 8am to get ready for work. Happy bday to me.

[sammyluvr]

oh my lord mari the day i’ve had holy shit

okay first off i had an leq in gov (which is basically an essay you have to write in 40 minutes) AND I WAS SO COOKED ON IT OMG 😖😖 like i ended up using 3 pages but i feel like i wrote nonsense and it wasn’t good and i was like nervous sweating the whole time (which as somebody with anxiety and a sweating problem those two do NOT mix well)

okay and then this is just where my day actually went to shit, so basically i had an ortho appointment at 3 and from where i live it’s like an hour and a half so i left school early obvi. but for context my cars been in the shop so my moms bf has been letting me use his other car (which is a fuckass old jeep that i swear is prehistoric) and that obviously couldn’t have gotten to me to my appointment so the plan was for me to drive to my moms work and then take her car from there RIGHT??? well no. the fucking jeep i’m not even kidding broke down and died literally TWO minutes from her work and that like set me off i swear, i had to call her having an absolute meltdown to come pick me up.

MIND YOU AT THIS POINT IT WAS ALR 3… so my mom literally had to call them and they were like ‘well the latest she could get here is 4’ so here i am absolutely bawling my eyes out the whole way thinking i was going to be late and not make it but thankfully i did!! i know my ortho lady felt bad for me cause my eyes were all puffy and i was sweating so bad and then on the way home there was so much traffic i genuinely thought i was going to lose my mind.

anyways sorry for yapping for that long i’m now going to eat my casserole and go to bed bc this day has genuinely taken me out (also i saw your wip’s and im so excited for them!!)

-💗

OH NOO :((( i hope that eating your casserole and getting some sleep makes you feel better!! (thanksss hehe hopefully i get some done soonnn <3)

but argh that sounds so rough :((( UGH I HATED LEQS SO MUCH AHHH i really feel you about the anxiety with those too :// but it'll be okay! it's just one assignment and i'm proud of you for making it through <3

god and the whole car situation just sounds the worst ahhh i'm so sorry all that happened my love :(( again i hope your day tomorrow will be so much better <333

and seriously, you're welcome to yap however much you want!!! i love to see it <33 and i'm always a safe space for ranting <33 ilysm!!! <33

[audiovisualrecall]

I bought groceries that allow me more options for dinner planning, and I had planned on doing either oven baked chicken, or salmon (in either of two ways) tonight, and then the parentals were supposed to be coming back tomorrow so I was going to plan on a lazy dinner (frozen meal basically) and if they came back early enough and wanted to cook then they would, or whatever, but they're waiting for some stuff to be delivered so they'll be back Wednesday instead, so I have tonight, tomorrow night, and then Wednesday night will be that lazy meal -or dad cooking maybe- instead. So, okay, tonight and tomorrow, so one thing tonight and the other tomorrow, in theory. But I still have to wash dishes and then the salmon takes less time cooking-wise but I have to remove the scales which takes time, but the chicken takes longer in the oven, even if prep is pretty easy, so I wouldn't do that one tonight I think, anyway, but now I'm just.........ehhhhh I don't want to cook tonight.... but also I'm too hungry for a lazy meal, the frozen nuggets aren't *that* good, the bourekas id have with them take 25 mins in the oven, while frozen pancakes is kinda...I think I'll be hungry again by midnight, yknow? French toast isn't better. Which means what I really want is takeout But I already had takeout once this week and I've been using uber to go to work And home constantly recently including the past week. But like, i mean, if I hadn't I wouldn't have been able to cook dinner at all pretty much any night the past week bc I would've gotten home ridiculously late (I got out at or around 7 multiple days this week which meant by uber I got home around 8pm, if I'd taken the bus I've gotten home around 9pm instead, and while I mostly started cooking around 8:40/9pm those nights, I had the time before that to sit, eat a snack, change clothing, relax for a bit, and/or do dishes and clean and also do all the prep work. On the other hand I didn't cook 3 times bc I did pasta salad one night, takeout another night, and then the leftover pasta salad the night after that, so I only had to prep and cook pasta salad and open and drain the can of salmon on the one night, I only really cooked dinner Wednesday and Sunday. So I should cook tonight. But I don't want to, I'm tired, I'm off tomorrow, I want to try to go to sleep earlier tonight and then get up earlier tomorrow than on a usual day off so I can do more things with my day, and if I have to do dishes and then cook tonight I'll go to bed at midnight again guaranteed. It might happen anyway and that's OK, really, but I want to give it a shot. So. But I also don't want to spend more money again. I feel like I'm constantly spending money like it's nothing and randomly i feel very uncomfortable with doing so, while other moments I don't think anything of it, and other moments I'm aware of it but ok with it bc I can't guilt myself out of doing what I have to bc all that'll happen is just procrastination of a sort. Which is happening right now. I don't want to spend money, and I don't want to pay uber again but the restaurant's chownow page is showing no more deliveries for today. I could I guess order it for pickup and go get it... which is slightly cheaper and I won't have to lay user's dozen stupid fees (that the restaurant doesn't see a penny of).......

[girltomboy]

My week

was pretty nice. I worked from the office but my work friend made it bearable. Wednesday's quiz night had to be held elsewhere because of a concert, but my work friend and I didn't know and entered the pub without even acknowledging the bouncer at the entrance, but he also ignored us lol. We had a nice evening. Thursday was the last office day, because we were so tired, and another coworker had like a nervous breakdown on the clock. Mainly she said she felt burnt out, I feel for her because she's such a positive and friendly person, but you can only give so much for a crappy job. But there were probably other personal reasons as well. Anyway, we agreed to wfh on Friday, and it was a really good idea. Because yesterday my work friend and I went to this party held by 2 of her friends (who were at her bday party and apparently liked my vibes a lot because they kept asking her about me and telling her to invite me to their place for a ~party. Which was soooo cute bc I loved hanging out with them and we had such a good time yesterday! The fatigue after a full day of commuting & working in an office would have prevented us from having any fun lmao.

Anyway, something odd happened at the party: my cw and I somehow ended up on the balcony looking at the moon and talking. And she once again tried confessing her feelings for me, telling me she likes me and subtly asking about my boyfriend. Lol I don't even get her when she does stuff like this! Like, what do you really expect from me? I don't get mad at her or anything, she was drunk and she has done stuff like this before while drunk. I know it's true, but she's better at hiding it while sober. It doesn't bother me because she's not disrespectful or crossing any boundaries or anything, they're just her feelings and as long as they're not interfering with our friendship I'm okay with knowing them. But when it happens, when she starts dancing around this topic again, it confuses me because I don't understand where she's going with it, what her intentions are, what the goal is. I don't get uncomfortable and it's not awkward, I just don't know what is expected of me.

The conversation floated in the air and vanished, and then she invited me to sleep over at her place because we were both kind of drunk and her flatmate went to a wedding. So we left the party not long afterwards, and stumbled to her apartment lol (she doesn't live far from the girls' house, whereas I would have had to make it to the other side of the city, and given that I got touched inappropriately on the street not long ago, she was reluctant to let me walk by myself at night, which I appreciate). Anyway, we sat on her balcony for a while, then went to bed. We woke up early and a bit hungover but not badly, then watched some Youtube vids in bed, and fell asleep again. Got up, ate, and then I went home. It was really beautiful outside today, but I didn't really go anywhere because I kind of wanted to be at home lol.

I'm excited to go home this week. I'm pretty sure the moon is going to be in Cancer, so that makes the reunion with my parents and the fact that I get to see and cozy up in their new house makes it even cuter. My bf might come to the city on Monday morning for a quick errand, so we'll get to see each other for a few hours, which is exciting and lovely, but I feel bad that he has to make so many trips for college and he can't even spend more time with me :( </3 But it's okay because he'll be here after his birthday too.

Speaking of, I was wondering what else to get him for his birthday, but I've also been thinking about getting my work friend something else to go with the hamster mug I got her a while ago. I'll probably go out tomorrow, I also have to look for some pants for myself, and perhaps a new journal.

This week I've been watching a Youtube girl who used to post videos about her mundane routine and stuff like that, and she was saying that she had started writing in her journal more often. She mentioned that she had a few year long gap in which she never wrote in her journal, and that period is now a blurry mess in her mind, and the exact same thing happened to me! Well, I can't say I don't remember anything from the years in which I *did* write but threw out my journals, but being able to reread past entries just helps me understand myself on a higher level. Like, the first 2ish pandemic years are like a black stain in my mind not just because of how abysmally depressing they were, but also because I barely ever wrote consistently in my journal. Sometimes I feel silly for having been such a pessimist and so paralyzed with fear and grief, but I'm sure it felt different to be then & there, in those times. Again, maybe having a written record of those years would have helped me understand my past self better. I do keep a journal now, but it's more of a "5 entries per year" type of situation rather than a consistent practice. Maybe I'm too stingy about notebooks lol.

[gurugirl]

i saw someone refer to you as queen g. is that okay? can we do that bc i'm so on board if you like that 😂

anyway, it's 🍸 anon here. guess who texted me last night? i bet you can figure out. the ex. he wants to see me tomorrow because he has the day off but luckily i'm working and we're starting on a big new project so i'll be busy all week and probably be busy over the weekend.

i don't know what to do. i don't want to see him but i do kind of too. another thing about him is that he works at a warehouse and it's sort of a low level job. It pays okay but he doesn't have a degree or anything so he's doing what he's qualified for. and i know that makes me sound like a snob, and I never cared too much really until he broke up with me. it's been sort of a point at the front of my mind when i try to make myself feel better about the whole situation. i'm on track to become a lawyer. just graduated law school and will be taking the bar exam in july here in CA. so i'm technically just a legal assistant right now but if i pass the bar there might be a spot for me here where i work in the fall.

anyway, i have big plans for the future and he's fine working at the warehouse and getting raises and slowly working his way up. i swear i'm not a snob but that's one thing that just helps me get over him a little.

anyway! sorry for the ramble (for all of them). sitting here sipping a dirty martini and about to go to bed (it's super early) because i have to be up at the crack of dawn to get to the office and just wanted to share with you/vent.

kind of makes me feel good that he wants to see me but that i don't have time for him.

thanks for listening!

also looking forward to reading chapter 3 of a balancing act you genius you!!!

-🍸

hi babe! yes, i'm totally fine with being called queen g if you want! lol

and i didn't know you just graduated law school! oh my god congrats and all that! i hope you do well with the bar too! how amazing, truly! that's definitely something you should feel very proud of and use that to be something to stand on that helps you move on from him. i totally get you. i understand how you feel about what path your ex is on versus what path you're on.

you honestly just sound like you're way out of his league and he's having some major regrets (as he should). but TOO LATE! you have your shit together and now it's time to focus on yourself. plus you're probably still young and have plenty of time to find someone equally as driven as you (if you want that). there's obviously nothing wrong with someone working at a warehouse but you are both just not on the same page.

good luck with your project at work and how busy you're gonna be but it kind of sounds like you're looking forward to it! love that for you!

sleep well, babe 🖤

xoxo

[helloidkwhatimdoing-0]

Okay! So I've been writing an esaay from about 9 oclock to now (3am) and I'm halfway through the conclusion but im going insane so I'm gonna stop and get some other work done b4 i go to bed

BUT basically this is actually really good ! Bc now i should hopefully barely have anything to do tomorrow, and if i wake up early enough, I'll have a decent chunk of time to curl up in bed and read/draw/watch tv/whatever !!!

[missmonsters2]

today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[hersweetrevenge]

Annabel!!! How’re youuuuu ~ ?

I’m doing it again :(

Been up since 530am, had a 7h shift in which SO MANY THINGS had to be done and it seemed like everyone wanted something and it was a loud & stinky day bc my entire workplace is being renovated, then I went food shopping and grabbed the bare essentials because I just wanted to be home, had dinner, did my chores, showered, and now I’m watching HOW at almost 11pm and I’m so tired I’m yawning every few minutes & I feel light headed but heavy at the same time and the only reason I’m awake is because I want to see the boys.

I’ve just seen sweet Lester, but I MISS Bo & Vincent and I’m gonna stay up until I see them. If I fall asleep at my desk, so be it. I just wanna see them. I can only imagine the lectures… (they’d be touched though🥺)

I hope you’re safe & well! I have a day off tomorrow and a butt ton to rb from you, so apologies but also no apologies for the notif spam you’ll get !!! You deserve it all and more!!!!❤️

Erika !! 💖 i hope ypu slept well 💤

ahh i'm doing okay,, classes started again and i'm processing that i have a lot of work coming. 👀📚

you're always so busy, and being busy is not conducive to my desired lifestyle so i do not know how you manage, but you do and you're brilliant for it. i've said it once and i'll say it a million more times: you work too hard !! i hope you know that you're doing enough (more than enough) and every single day i am proud as hell of you. 💖

you deserve HOW time !! i cannot tell you the strange and unusual movie i've fallen asleep to. and the amount of times i've fallen asleep with HOW in the background? countless.

and never apologise for notif spams, they make me all blushy and seeing you in my notifs is the best part of my day 😊😊 and i'm so happy that i can provide little bits here and thefore for you and the rest of our slasher fam 💕📚

now onto our boys. they'd miss you so much too !!

bo doesn't get up as early as you, but he does like to have a routine and understands that Responsibilities™ are a thing. if you fall asleep doing any work he is very unhappy and will tell you off, but its just a cover because he is concerned and cares so much about you. makes sure you go to bed if you've fallen asleep at your desk, and he won't admit it but he doesn't like to go to bed without you, you're schedules are similar enough that he wants to keep them that way -- who'd have thought that bo likes the company.

imagine falling asleep while watching vincent work, though 👀 he's very flattered, knowing his safe space is your safe space too 💖. but, he wishes you'd tell him when you need rest because he will make provisions for that, if he notices you getting tired, he's done with work for the day. tools go down, you are going to bed (he thinks you don't know, but sometimes after you've been asleep for an hour, he'll go back down to the basement and keep working, but he always comes back in time for you waking up in the morning)

lester works almost as hard as you! he's up early and home late. if you fall asleep waiting for him to come home, he tried to get you to bed without waking you up. if you do wake up though, he's a quiet as possible so he can still say goodnight but you'll be able to go back to sleep pretty easily 💤. he loves knowing that you're waiting for him, it makes him feel wanted and he hates getting up in the morning and having to leave you. if you're up at a similar time, he makes sure you're going to be okay for the day before he leaves, will not leave unless he knows you'll be okay 💖

all three of the brothers have a Thing™ about everyone being back home at night. their home(s) is there safe space, where they are normal and not playing up to anything. they have a strange way of showing it, and none of them would manage without the others to keep them in live, but they do believe ins self care of sorts. going to sleep in a bed or eating dinner together is how they make the rest of the days bearable. and with you there, you get the same care they give to any of their own.

[hcrringtonshair]

All Mine

Modern!Ivar x Reader

Warnings: some cursing, fluffy Ivar and jealous and lil bit needy Ivar ... but that's it :) Word Count: 1735

A/n: I suck at giving my writings names. So here's another shitty one haha. There will maybe be a second part bc of the open end, but we'll see 🙃(Maybe the gif doesn't really fit but do I have to mention that his smiling is just adorable ?)

Masterlist

You barely remembered the last time when you had Ivar all for your own. It was kinda like the first time in an eternity.

He was so busy with his history study at the university of Copenhagen, and then he threw himself into work on his personal interests.

He also spent a lot of time with his three brothers, at least one of them was always there when you two met, besides that he still lived with his mother. You liked Aslaug, even that she was a really over caring and protective mother because he was her youngest son and because of his legs.

So you were really looking forward to that day. He promised it would be a whole day only for you and him, and he would never break a promise. He picked you up early in the morning and spent the day with you outside.

Long walks weren't his favorite, but he knew how much you loved being for hours in the green, enjoying the bright colors of the trees in the sun. The fall was beautiful and the day goes on so fast that it was already dark as you two returned to your apartment.

"What do you want to do next?" His cheeks were still light pink from the cold outside and his blue eyes were shining bright which made a beautiful contrast to his dark hair.

"I don't know. We could order pizza and watch a movie. You choose." You shrugged and handed him some of his clothes which were still in your closet. "Pizza sounds great."

Before you could pick up your phone from the bed he wraps his arms around you and laughed as you screamed while he threw you besides him on the bed. "You idiot! I could have fallen."

"I would never let this happen." His wide smile showed his white teeth, and you couldn't resist and smiled back as he lays back to watch you.

"You okay? I don't want you to be in pain." It was a long day, and now you felt guilty for being the reason why his legs hurt. Looking at his legs in concern, but he shakes his head. "It's bearable. Don't worry." Not satisfied with his answer and still worried you take your phone and you both choose a pizza. Right after you ordered it the discussion of which film you should watch began.

"Let's make a compromise and watch the first Harry Potter movie and then Thor" Your whole body was shaking from your laughter because Ivar was tickling you for too long. He was also laughing and out of breath as he laid back into the pillows.

"No no no, I want to watch all Thor movies" It wondered you again how he admired the Thor Movies, but to be honest, after all it wasn't a huge surprise.

"But why? You know I will sleep after the first half of the second movie." You pouted which made him laugh again. "That's the plan" he gives you a wink before bursting out in laughter again.

"That's mean Ivar. I thought we spent the whole day together. Which means at least until midnight." Your remaining pouting face leaned over him.

"Don't." He tipped against your lips, and you turned back to a not so serious face, "We watch the first Harry Potter movie and there's no way to change my mind. After this movie you can watch as many Thor movies as you want."

"Fine."

"Fine."

You stared at each other until your eyes wandered down to his full pink lips and of course he noticed. With a grin his head shots forward and pressed his lips on yours into a passionate slow kiss. His fingers gripping your neck to pull you closer, your legs moved by themselves until you sat on his lap.

You were only breaking the kiss as you both running out of air. His cheeks were bright red and his eyes shining happily when you opened your eyes. Sure you had kissed each other today, but not like that. It was like both of you had waited for that moment.

The heated atmosphere in the room went cold when the bell on the door rang before you could kiss him again. You groan into his shoulder before you stand up. "Must be the Pizza."

But unfortunately it wasn't the delivery guy. Your neighbor standing in front of you, with a big grin on his face as you opened the door. "Hey y/n. Interested in going out to the new bar down the street?" You could hear, most likely, a plate bursting on the kitchen floor and steps in your direction.

"Jakob, thank you, but I told you I have a boyfriend, and I'm not interested." With a friendly smile and calm voice you hoped he would go directly but Ivar was there before Jakob could take one step.

"Hi I'm Ivar. her Boyfriend. Unfortunately we are occupied tonight, so see ya!" Under his exaggerated friendly voice you could hear jealousy. Before Jakob could say anything else, the door was shut in front of his face and Ivar stared at you.

"Is this the one you told me about?" "Yeah. Now probably he will think you are a madman." You roll your eyes with laughter and return to the living room. " I am." Ivar walked behind you, he was so near you felt his body against your back. "When it comes to you."

"I'm sure he will never talk to me again." With a grin you turned around to face Ivar, still with a dark look in his eyes. "I hope so. You are mine."

After you persuaded him to sit on the couch and let you bring the dishes to the table in front of the couch, you looked at him as he watched at the TV.

"Y/n"

You froze as he caught you staring. He had made himself comfortable all over the couch, his chest rises and falls calmly, one hand in his hair which falls loosely on his shoulders.

"Ivar."

Concentrated on sounding calm you walk to the couch, stop when you're at the level of his head. "Like what you see?" With a big grin he touches your leg, his hands wandering up and down before he pulls you forward. With a happy sigh you sit on his lap again, careful to not hurt him.

"I thought about going to this Jakob tomorrow and give him a message he won't forget." The grin turned into a devilish one and his eyes were burning in anticipation of what he had planned.

"Ivar no." Whatever he had planned the poor Jakob wouldn't ever be the same person, and you didn't want to be responsible for that. "Why not? He's nothing but a neighbor. I'm just making sure he will never bother you again." You melted by his good intentions but shook your head.

"Fine. Then I'll show him otherwise that he has to keep his hands off of you." Before you could make a move he already took you down into a heated kiss. His lips moving perfectly with yours, parted your lips with his tongue and swirled around synchronized with yours. Muffled moans of yours echoed through the room and the air heating up again.

"You are all mine." He bites your under lip which causes you to moan louder. With one hand he held you in position, the other buried in your hair. "Ivar..." Under your breath you tried to stop him from kissing your neck because it was again the doorbell which catches your attention. For the second time this evening the bubble around you burst, and it took another few seconds for Ivar to let you go.

"God damn it! If it's that Jakob again I will rip him into a thousand pieces!!!" The Pizza deliverer heard Ivar's furious shouts and his eyes went big. "Everything's fine. No murders tonight." You giggled by the uncertain look on the face of the kid who must be not older than 18. You gave him the money and a tip before you wished a good evening and returned to your boyfriend.

You started eating by watching Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone which Ivar commented with yawning and malicious snorting from time to time. When the movie was over you cleaned up the table before you would start with the Thor movie.

"Finally it's over. I thought I would fall asleep before he even came to Hogwarts." You rolled your eyes as you made yourself comfortable between his legs again when the intro started.  "Shut it Ivar, I want to watch the movie." One kiss on his shoulder, and then you concentrated on the movie.

After a while you stood up and earned a confused view from Ivar. "I want to braid your hair." Your high voice and pouting face let him sigh. "Fine." You switched positions so that he was sitting in front of you and while the movie continues you were busy with his hair.

"Are you done?" You thought Ivar had fallen asleep, he didn't say a word since you started braiding his hair, so you flinched as he raised his voice. "I am. Looking good." A bit proud of yourself you let go of his hair and kissed the top of his head.

"Are you tired?" His voice was calm when he brushed his fingers from your knee up and down. From the side seeing him biting his lip, eyes still focused on the screen. "Not that much. But if you want to go to bed I'm fine with that." "The day is not over yet. So we stay awake."

Ivar decided to watch some TV shows after the movie was over, while you've been falling asleep from time to time. Calmed down by the random voices of the TV and dimmed light, your nails massaging the scalp of his head when your eyelids become heavy. Ivar noticed after a while that your finger movements stopped, "Let's go to bed. It's late."

Half asleep you nodded, watching him turn off the TV and go back to his feet. A few steps away from the bedroom the doorbell rings again which made you flinch and Ivar growl. "Who's this? It's 3 am in the morning." With his most unfriendly look Ivar went to the door followed by you.

✧ • ✭ • ✩ • ✦

Ivar the Boneless Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius

[clumsyclifford]

for the prompt list i hope it's ok to do a combo bc 70 & 85? 👀 (idk why the text is weird i think it's bc i had to copy paste the emoji since i'm on desktop skjfkdjs) anyways it's for whatever pairing you think works best :) -megs <3

omg yes a combo! aka challenge mode. my favourite :) ALSO! i took advantage of this open-ended prompt to write ! my very first ! cashton prompt fic ! this is so exciting i love it here. finally completing the set thank you for allowing me this moment

read on ao3

-

Calum treks into Ashton’s room around midnight. The light from the hallway spills into the room until Calum pulls the door shut behind him, probably worried about waking Ashton. Considerate of him, but unnecessary.

“I’m not asleep,” Ashton says.

Calum exhales. “You’re telling me you went to bed an hour ago and you’re still awake?”

“I was reading for a bit,” Ashton says. “I’ve only just moved to the falling-asleep stage. And obviously I have not yet been successful.”

Calum hums an acknowledgment. “Do you, um…can I…”

“Yeah, always,” Ashton says, shifting onto his back to watch Calum. “You don’t have to ask, Cal. I’ve already told you it doesn’t bother me.”

“But you don’t like sharing with Luke or Michael,” Calum says quietly. “I don’t know, I’m just making sure.”

Ashton is grateful for the dark room to hide his blush. “Yeah, but I don’t mind if it’s you.”

They both know it’s different, but neither one will be the first to admit it. This is how they communicate for now, in shared sheets and heavy implications, never saying what they mean, trusting the other person will get it anyway.  

“Okay,” Calum says. “If you’re sure.”

“Next time you ask me I’m just going to ignore you,” Ashton says as Calum pads his way over to the bed. 

“You’re a monster,” Calum says. “You put me in an awkward position here. If you ever wanted to come sleep in my bed you’d probably feel awkward too.”

Ashton purses his lips. “Well, that’s what you get for always going to sleep after me.”

“Mhm,” Calum hums, too knowingly for Ashton’s liking.

“But to be fair, I’ve never asked you if I could sleep with you. Whereas you’ve asked me many times, and I’ve said yes every single time.”

“Still,” Calum says, crawling under the covers and propping himself up on his elbow. It’s hard to see him through the darkness, but Ashton can feel Calum’s eyes carefully trained on his face, maybe seeking his eyes. 

“You want to sleep in your bed?” Ashton asks, raising his eyebrows.

“No!”

“I mean both of us.” Ashton’s face flushes. “I’m just asking, like, would you prefer that. If you didn’t have to feel awkward asking me.”

“No,” Calum says. “Honestly, no. I don’t mind asking. Anyway, I like that you keep saying yes.”

He’s smiling. So is Ashton. 

“Alright,” says Ashton, shaking his head a bit. “Come on. It’s late.”

“It’s really not that late,” Calum says. “Mike’s still up.”

“That’s the worst argument for it not being late. Michael is up until three in the morning.”

“Luke might still be up.”

“He most certainly is not.”

“You never know. Luke’s unpredictable. A wild card.”

Ashton laughs. As if Luke could ever be a wild card. As if he could ever be anything other than unwaveringly, consistently Luke, the biggest creature of habit Ashton’s ever met. Second only, maybe, to Ashton himself.

Calum pulls the covers up and snuggles up to Ashton, reservations gone. “Mm, you’re warm,” he mumbles.

“You are not,” Ashton says, tensing up. “Motherfucker, Calum Hood. Wear a jumper.”

“I’m not cold!” Calum presses his face into Ashton’s neck. 

“Not to you you’re not. Stop it!”

“Sorry,” Calum says, though he doesn’t sound sorry.

“I see how it is,” Ashton huffs, shifting to press closer to Calum, because whatever he says, a cold Calum is better than no Calum at all. “You just use me for my warmth. I’m the guy who keeps the bed warm.”

“Not true,” Calum says, pouting. “I like cuddling.”

“You never cuddle with Luke or Michael. Now I know why. They don’t go to bed early enough to be warm enough for you. I’m just your personal space heater.”

“First of all, Michael hogs the blankets, and he knows that’s why I don’t cuddle with him anymore.” Ashton laughs. “But anyway that’s not it at all. Stop fishing for compliments. You’re not a last resort. I never check their rooms.”

Maybe he’d been fishing a little bit, but the payoff is worth it. “Good,” Ashton says. Being pleased about that might say too much, but Calum has put himself on the line just saying it, so they can call it even.

“I thought we were sleeping now,” Calum says, slinging an arm over Ashton’s stomach. “Be quiet.”

“Don’t shush me in my own bed.”

“Be quieeeet,” Calum sings in a hushed voice. “It’s time to sleeeeeeep.”

“I’ll kick you out.”

“No you won’t.” Calum hums, a quiet, contented noise, and Ashton can feel his smile against his collarbone before Calum turns his head. Ashton stretches out his arm, forcing Calum to lift up his head for a moment before returning it to rest on Ashton’s bicep, cheek pressed against Ashton’s shoulder. Ashton feels warmer than before. He wonders if Calum can feel that on him. If Calum feels that too.

“What were you reading?”

“I thought you wanted to sleep,” Ashton says wryly. 

“I changed my mind. I want to talk.”

“You just want me to talk.”

“Okay, same thing. I fall asleep faster when you talk.” Calum shrugs a shoulder, moving his hand to rest against Ashton’s chest. Through Ashton’s thin t-shirt he can feel the heat of Calum’s palm, the way his thumb moves just so to smooth out the fabric before settling.

At some point they’re going to have to address this. Ashton has a sneaking suspicion that if he doesn’t say something, nothing will ever happen. Calum feels awkward asking to sleep with Ashton despite the blanket permission Ashton has granted him repeatedly. There’s no way he’ll bring up something like this.

Dance around it? Sure. Like motherfucking Fred Astaire. But never face it head-on.

It’s on the tip of Ashton’s tongue to say something, say anything. Ask a point-blank question, maybe, like why do you only ever want to sleep in my bed?, or just say the truth. Confess how he feels and hope Calum is brave enough to do the same. Hope Calum feels the same. 

It’s late enough, and Ashton is tired enough, that he can’t see it backfiring. Maybe it would go well. Or at least maybe it wouldn’t go badly. Maybe Calum would smile and say me too, you idiot, I’ve been waiting for you to say something; maybe he’d pick up his head and give Ashton that cheeky smile Ashton’s come to expect from him, and maybe he’d kiss Ashton, taking the warmth off Ashton’s lips to keep for himself. 

Maybe he’d just sigh that happy sigh of his and say let’s talk about this in the morning, cuddling closer to let Ashton know that this isn’t a soft rejection, just a rain check for when they’re both more awake. Ashton could take that.

But as much as Ashton is sure there’s something here, he can’t bring himself to say it. It’s easy to be confident right up until he needs to be confident. 

(And it could always go wrong. It could. It could.)

“You calling me boring?” Ashton teases softly, but Calum just huffs an exhale.

“You know I’m not,” he whispers. “Please?”

Ashton brings his hand up to tangle into Calum’s hair, and Calum gives his happy sigh and cuddles closer, just as Ashton had hoped. “Okay,” Ashton murmurs. “Sure. Goodnight, Cal.”

“‘Night, Ash.”

Ashton smiles. They can talk about it another day. Tomorrow, maybe. “You wouldn’t like this book,” he starts. “It’s by an old white guy, and I know you hate those.” Calum breathes a quiet laugh. “Well, he’s not that old…”

Calum drifts off as Ashton describes the premise of his book, going slack in Ashton’s arms, breathing slow, and Ashton presses a kiss into his hair. 

One day he’ll do it when Calum is awake, but not today. There’s always tomorrow. 

[quirkdotcom]

Hey everyone !! I am super excited to post this as part of a collab with my fellow members of BNHA Sanctuary! The prompt was " _____ is concerned bc (y/n) isn't sleeping." I chose Izuku Midoriya as my character because he needs a little more love ! So I hope everyone enjoys! Don't forget to check out the other collab writers fics too !!

×××××××××××××××

Technically, Midoriya wasn't supposed to have anyone over in his dorm, even in college he had tried to follow that rule knowing that if he didn't, Iida would probably find out and scold him, but as he flipped over and looked just above your shoulder, his All Might themed alarm clock read out "4:12AM" with red numbers, and he gave a small sigh.

Tonight was one of the first nights that you had been able to sleep before 5am, but the reason was unknown. Midoriya had asked you plenty of times, each time you resulted in you shaking your head vigorously and eyes watering until he just hugged you tightly, saying that you would find another time to talk about it. 

Slowly, scooted closer to you, wrapping an arm around your side, pulling you closer to him.  

The movement, which Izuku had thought he was being slow with, actually woke you up. You blinked a few times before turning and nuzzling into his chest, quietly mumbling, "Are you awake Izu?"

"I'm definitely sleeping…are you awake (Y/n)?" 

You hummed, starting to wake up more now, "A little bit," Yet despite your words, you didn't make any effort to move, "What time is it?"

"4:14 in the morning," he responded, pulling back a little so he could look at you

Slowly you sat up, pulling yourself free from his grasp, suddenly wide awake. 

"Baby?" He sat up next, eyeing you slightly as growing concern seeped in. 

You looked back to him, offering up a smile, "Don't worry Izu, I'm still tired enough to sleep," 

He seemed to relax some, the tension slowly leaving his body, "I'm glad then, because I think it's too early to get up for the day, and that's coming from me of all people,"  he then proceeded to lay back down, hugging the comforter to his chest

You laughed lightly, then paused, letting out a heavy breath, "Hey Izuku, I owe you an explanation, I shouldn't make you worry all the time and have to have me over in your dorm like this," 

Again, he sat up, scooting closer to where you were sitting, "Whatever the reason is, I'd be happy to help you over and over again, okay?" 

You nodded, leaning against him, glad to have that reassurance of support. 

"Well...my quirk has some nasty side effects…" You paused, closing your eyes and allowing the shadow like mass begin to rise from your body. 

It was a lot like Tokoyami's dark shadow in the sense that it was almost another being but attached to you. It could take a multitude of shapes, and most items couldn't pass through it, rather instead would get stuck to it. 

Most of the time you used it to create a large beast of sorts, and it only grew stronger from the fear or unease of your opponents. 

However it's main and personal drawback was arguably the worst. 

"When I don't use my quirk enough, it turns on me in my dreams…well nightmares. The Mass as I call it, separates from me and chases me down. In the end it envelops me and...well I start to suffocate. So I've been staying up late to try and put off the dreams as long as I can," 

In the dark of the room, your quirk was even more unsettling. It looked to be wriggling around, crawling amongst the edges of the room. But the one area it wouldn't go near, was the spot where Midoriya sat. 

Instinctively he wrapped his arms around you, feeling your trembles.  He thought for some time about what you had said until finally, he knew what the root of this issue was. 

"(Y/n) my love, don't let it feed off you," 

You turned at his comment, looking up to him, his oddly calm demeanor throwing you off guard. Normally, most people tended to draw back from you and your quirk, but Midoriya never did.  

"You said that your quirk grows stronger when people are scared or uneasy, and I think that it applies to you as well. It's easily taken over the whole room by now. " 

As you looked to the room, watching as the Mass would slink around the room, at times catching a ray of moonlight, seemingly drowning the light in itself. 

The longer you looked, the more it started to grow, your heart raced, you couldn't find a spot for your eyes to stop, they just kept looking. No one spot in the room was safe from it's grasp. 

Before you could fall further into its depths, two arms circled around your waist, pulling you close, "(Y/n)...you're safe…" 

All at once, the mass receded, leaving the room as it was before. 

With that, you laid down, pulling Izuku with you. While you didn't fall asleep very fast, you still knew that you'd be able to come back tomorrow to try again. 

And you did. You continued to do so for about a week, every night repeating as it had been the first night of that week. 

You still got hardly any sleep, and were starting to fall behind in both your classes and your training. In fact, there would be times where he would catch you fighting the urge to doze off while just hanging out with friends. 

Midoriya found himself asking for the help of your best and closest friend.

"Hey, Tanako, can I ask you something?" 

The water vortex hero-in-training looked up, as she was currently focusing on a book, "First, Midoriya, you can call me by my first name by now, but what's up?" 

"Ah sorry Katsumi…" he gave a sheepish smile and took a seat across from the brunette, "You know how (Y/n) stays up all the time? I've been trying to help them but...nothing is working," 

Katsumi dog eared a corner to her book, closing it as she hummed, "Well, when we were younger, we used to sleep in forts, and had lights strung up so that it wasn't so dark," she met brown eyes to his green ones, "I'm not sure if it would work now...but I think it's worth a shot. " 

Izuku nodded, standing back up, "I'll need to get some lights then..and figure out a good setup for a fort, Thanks Katsumi ! Have fun reading!" 

He started to walk away but didn't get too far before your friend called back out to him.

"Oh and Midoriya, thank you. We've all gotten pretty worried for (Y/n)," 

He nodded, turning back and going over his plan in his head. 

His first stop would be the store, finding some fairy  lights to hang up. He also decided to buy a few extra blankets, and another pillow. 

With that being done, he headed back to the university dorms, making his way to his own and luckily for him, he had some time before you were supposed to come over. 

He started to move things around, pulling the bed over towards the window, and his desk to the other wall. From there, Izuku started to round up all his extra blankets, grabbing extra tacks to hold them up. 

What took up the most of his time was the fact that he couldn't settle on a good way to have the blankets and the overall shape of the fort, after all he only had so much room to work with. 

In fact, he was still working on putting up the blankets by the time you had let yourself into his dorm. 

"Uh..Izuku?"

Midoriya jumped lightly, and turned around to face you, a blush spreading across his face as he realized he had been caught, "Uh..surprise?" 

You took a moment to look around his dorm, noticing the changes in where your bed was, and where he was currently sitting, blankets in hand. 

"Are you...building a fort?" 

Despite all the evidence you had already seen, he quickly glanced around and hid the blanket behind his back, smiling embarrassedly, "I uh...I was..I mean yeah but…" 

But to his surprise, you barked out a laugh, letting your bag slide off your shoulders and to the floor as you made your way over to him, "That's cute ! Let me help!" 

And so, together you both figured out the best set up, easily hanging up the blankets and lights, then using the rest of the blankets to create a comfy space on the floor underneath the fort. Midoriya pulled out his laptop, playing your favorite movie and starting it as you grabbed a few snacks. 

Once fully settled in, he wrapped his arms around you, and let you rest your head against his body. 

In his arms was perhaps the safest spot for you to be. He was warm, comfortable and you knew that you wouldn't have any troubles as long as he held onto you. In fact, you could hardly keep your eyes open in the moment. 

Within the next ten minutes you fell fast asleep. Izuku flicked his eyes to the clock in the corner of his laptop, smiling as he read that it was only around 9:38pm. H3 let out a small and content sigh, holding you a little tighter and closed his own eyes, getting ready to sleep, letting the movie play out in the background.

"I love you, (Y/n)..." he murmured, though you couldn't hear him, he was sure that you knew...and you did.